Sir Loin

“HUCKLEBERRY FINN”? More like “SUCKleberry SHIT!” What was Mr. Twain thinking? He wasn’t! Huckleberry Finn, a nasty character, takes a freed slave down a river in a raft. They see some things, almost tip over, blah-de-blah… the end. And it’s all written in pitiful child-speak. Was Mr. Twain’s keyboard broken? Sad. What was I thinking when I checked this out? I returned it late and had to PAY A FINE! I ripped up my library card and the receipt for payment. Yeesh—that was an adventure I never want to relive! Mr. Twain, I want my five hours and my twenty-five cents back!

— Bob Odenkirk, “One-Star Amazon Reviews to Make Yourself Feel Better” (via fuckyeahbobodenkirk)